Nice edit bryan

Heres one for the english chaps though a big warning it's really off colour so stop reading if you find blue jokes offensive.
Two old ladies are sitting in church the first one leans over to the second old lady and whispers "hey look over there is that Fanny Green". The second old lady stares over for a couple seconds squinting then she says to the first old lady "no honey thats just the stained glass tinting the light."

Alright Lazarus, no more old lady jokes! But it is along the lines of 'Holy'.

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the
Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits,
and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could
carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman,
but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."
Next!

Nice one Trout

This has to be spoken quickly with an Irish accent:

Two ducks are flying over Belfast
One says to the other 'Quack'
The other replies 'I'm going as fast as I can!'

Bit off the point, but it made me laugh after a few beers.