So, since it's been so long since I've posted here, I thought I'd explain what has been going on in my life for the last 18 months.

The last time I posted, I was working at a Nissan dealership - and doing very well I might add. About two years before that, I had broken my back while rock climbing. I was lucky enough to be able to walk & function just as I could before, albeit with some severe pain. This is where the hell began! My doctor at the time had me on Percocet - 15 per month. I would take one or two when the pain got really bad. Well, my dealership changed insurance providers and I had to find a new doctor. When I went to my first appointment, I addressed my concerns about being on Percocet & asked if there might be some safer alternative. He decided that Oxycontin (a time-release version of the same active chemical) might be a better fit. Though I wanted to be off the narcotic painkillers all together, I figured that a time-release version would be less addictive (no high) and a safer alternative because of the lack of Acetaminophen. Oh how wrong I was!

Over the course of the next six to eight months, the doctor increased my dose a number of times & switched me to other (narcotic) pain medicines, always going back to Oxycontin at the end. By this time, it was too late for me to just quit, and since the medicine was becoming ineffective, he continued to increase my dose. At the end of this whole ordeal (and only the beginning of my nightmare), I was on SIX HUNDRED FORTY milligrams of Oxycontin daily. Four 80mg pills twice daily AND Percocet for breakthrough pain. Now, I probably should have been more responsible and realized that I shouldn't be on such a high dose, but the fact that it was given to me by the doctor gave me some sort of comfort - and the fact that I would become deathly ill if I didn't have it - made it "impossible" to quit.

My fiancee at the time finally got fed up & left me. I lost my job at the dealership and lost my apartment. I moved back in with my parents and decided that I needed help...so I went to the Methadone clinic. This was the ultimate mistake. Methadone is a long-acting opiate and has a half-life of 24 hours. This means that after 24 hours, 50% of the drug is still in your system. In order to find relief from withdrawal symptoms from the discontinued use of Oxycontin, I had to take 140mg of Methadone per day - enough to KILL an opiate-naive person.

I found out quickly that I wasn't a strong enough person to control my Methadone dose by myself - this being compounded by the fact that I metabolize the Methadone faster than the average patient. I experience withdrawal symptoms as soon as 10-12 hours after dosing.

I met another girl that I fell head over heels in love with...and she had a 2 year old daughter that became like my own. Due to my misuse of Methadone (I would take some of my next day's dose to relieve withdrawal symptoms and run out early), she quickly grew fed up and left as well. I lost another apartment, another job, and my car was repossessed. I moved back home with my mom once again.

Today, I am still on Methadone. My dose is down to 55 milligrams and I am dropping my dose 3mg each week. It still makes me feel like crap, but I've grown stronger and allow my mom to help me manage my Methadone so that I don't take it early. I never misused it for a high...just so that I didn't feel sick...what a nightmare it has been. Through all of the trouble, I lost more than apartments, a car, and two women I loved - I lost most of my personal property as well. I lost most of my clothes, my electronics (except for my computer), DVD collection, and last but definitely not least (possibly most important), my snuff collection! I'd imagine it's over at the last ex's house, but she's not too terribly fond of me and she's probably thrown it away by now.

Now you may ask why I bring this all up to a group of mostly strangers. There are a couple of reasons, one being the ISTA. I really did (and still do) want to get the ISTA up & running if there is enough interest from the snuff takers of the world. Most importantly, though, is so that nobody else makes the same mistakes as I do. If you hurt yourself and are in need of narcotic pain medicine, do NOT take it any more than is absolutely necessary! It is also a good idea to find a doctor who doesn't prescribe narcotics often or a pain-management psychologist, NOT a psychiatrist. Physical therapy and alternative medications are ideal. You do NOT want to develop a physical dependency on opiates. If you do need to take opiate painkillers for an extended period of time, do NOT go on Methadone to get off of the stuff. Either find a GOOD doctor in the first place & taper your dose as soon as possible OR ask for an alternative like Suboxone. I am very open with this because I've seen so many people get hooked on pharmaceuticals and having experienced this living hell myself, I don't want to see ANYONE experience the same thing.

Well, I hope this can help someone! Now I just need to rebuild my snuff collection! :D Also, is there any interest in the ISTA still? If so, I'd love to get something like that started...I think with the growing popularity of snuff, we could really get something cool started! Well, respond or whisper me with any ideas!

Regards,
Greg

Well keep your head held high I'm sure you will make it through this!!

Rob

Hey Greg,

sad to hear you are still fighting with it, great to hear you seem to be standing up and up again. Lowering the dose is also good news and I wish you all the best. I am sure you make it as you show strong will and you are openly dealing with your problems! I am sure there are still people interested in something like the ISTA. I don't got the time, but why don't you simply post a request in the ISTA category?

Keep us informed and all the best,
Alex

I'm just getting over an opiate addiction. Fractured my spine in 1991 at work (someone jumped on it) and ended up on codeine, tramadol and morphine - often taken at the same time. Ive been on it for years and literally within the last month couldn't deal with the side effects anymore. Took a load of time owing to me and tapered off, my God that was the most terrible time of my life but I'm beginning to feel slightly more human. I've been lucky and managed to hold my job down - I don't know how sometimes - and I live in the UK which at least means I've not been dependent on health insurance but its been a tough ride.

Weird how all of a sudden you hear of someone who has gone through the same stuff as yourself, out of the blue. Opiates are beatable and I understand that accidental addicts - those of us that didn't start for kicks - are often amongst the long term survivors. Hang in there, and if you start a snuff club I'll join it.

Yeah, I've read about the Ibogaine therapy and considered it. I'm finally at the point, though, where I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am continuing to taper my Methadone dose each week. Though it makes me feel like total crap, I now know that I am almost done with it so I can tolerate it one more day at a time knowing that I will be done in a couple more months. Thanks for your support guys, it's good to know that I'm not alone...though I feel bad for anyone having to deal with the same issues.

Regards,
Greg

Mostly aimed at xsys
Addiction isn't a uniform thing at all. I've been able to use opiates realativly freely without running into problems hardly feeling withdraw beyond a marked listlessness (i.e. constant need to do something or at least figet), however some people have a very high chance of become hooked on opiates (or other addictive drugs include nicotene and caffine). It's very much a brain chemistry. Addicition due to medical use is relativily rare and you should be aware of it but not paranoid about it. Much of how much you'd have to worry about it is how much you'd have to use pain medicine (how long and how much a little more how long) fracturing ones back requires a lot of time and is really painfull so much medicine is required the amounts alwaysbeclosing is talking about are huge and 18 months is a long time too.
Also very aimed xsys nicotene for me was an almost imediate addiction nothing else has ever been like that for me. So your tobacco fixation is in no ways indicative of a propensity to be addicted to other substances.
Finaly if you're already this far along alwaysbeclosing I must say personaly I'am not worried about your chances. Methadone is terrible drug to kick and your doing very well with it. Once it's done I'am sure you'll have some new insights or at least inspirations to draw from like whats really important to you (as usaly happens with well handled crisises). Glad to see you back.

Not really what I would call completely healed. Just enough to play sports. Plus the amount of drugs legaly given to many sports players is utterly astonishing unless they where work horses which I guess is what the owners of sports teams tend to consider their players.

sustained use definately causes more problems. I know a fellow who broke his back and to avoid addiction takes days off at a time at terrible expense to his pain level. I've never talked to him about it but it's really obvious by his behaviors also the days he doesn't look pained he sounds a bit like a toad too.

Pain killers give some people the toad voice. I'am sure you've got several tells (clear sign) to spot opiate users. Toad voice is definatly one of them.

Reminds me of the funniest thing I ever saw. There was a special on the Gratefull Dead. Then in the special it talked about Jerrys drug problem and Bob weir said that they knew Jerry had a reall drug problem when he lost all the weight but it showed footage of jerry playing on stage and around 300 pounds but with the skin flaps. I know it is sad but at the same time it always makes me chuckle when I think of that moment.

yeah like hey this is tragic and I have to laugh